Interpersonal Conflict

This incident happened a week ago, so I'd better blog it down while it’s still fresh in my mind.

I was having a conversation with my mom on the phone regarding money matter and this is the summarized version of our conversation:

Mom: Why do you always tell me this (money matter) at the last minute? You should have told me earlier… (and my mom goes on nagging for 5minutes, bringing up old grudges.)

Me: Sorry sorry… (it was really my fault that I brought it up at the last minute, but I was a little exasperated that she always brings up old grudges)

Mom: You should also discuss this issue with your father, but he’s not at home now.

Me: Why… ?

It was 10pm then and I was wondering where my father was. Hence, my "Why" referred to why wasn't my father home. However, my mom interpreted my question as "Why should I discuss it with my father", in which she thought it was rude of me.Soon, my mother continued with her nagging.

I quickly began to clarify my question. At that instance, I was so tempted to point out her mistake in misinterpreting my question and bringing up old grudges.

However, I decided not to after a quick reflection. I realized I was partly at fault for this miscommunication because my question was indeed too vague. I also realized there’s no point in trying to “win” this conversation.

Eventually, after clarification, my mother told me where my father went, and we ended the conversation on a peaceful note.

Through this short conversation, I realize it is so easy to pick up an argument. I could have succumb to my temptation and retorted her. Fortunately, I managed to “stepped on the brake” to prevent further unnecessary conflicts and argument.

If you were in my position, what would you do?

Effective Communication

Communication is like a game of charades.

Charades is a word guessing game, in which one player (actor) has to act out a word or phrase for the other player (guesser) to guess. You will usually hear all sorts of funny, weird guesses that is totally far from the correct word or phrase. The actor will move on to act the next word or phrase only when the guesser gets the correct answer.

In fact, I think ineffective communication is very similar to the game of charades. The difference is that instead of acting, the speaker speaks to get the message across to the listener. However, communication is not a game, we can’t guess till we get the correct answer. For ineffective communication, the speaker always thinks that his intended message has gotten across, and the listener will not know if the message he receives is the intended message.

The reason why we communicate with one another is because we want to get our full intended message across to the other party and hence I believe effective communication skills is, in fact, important for everyone regardless of your line of work or the social settings. This message doesn’t limit to just the literal content of the message. The message is like a package, it also includes the nonverbal aspect. To me, if the listener does not receive the full intended message, it is considered an ineffective communication.

I don’t think I have acquired good communication skills. I always have problems expressing and voicing out my thoughts and ideas. I believe everyone has the freedom to voice out their thoughts. The inability to do so due to the lack of effective communication skill is like one is imprisoned by his own flaws. Hence, I will strive to improve in this area.